Friday, July 17, 2009

quelqu'un m'a dit

i'm trying so hard to act normally 

but it's really hard when no one around me is acting normal
and when nothing i can do is normal anymore
i keep thinking things are getting better
and then they slip away from me again, and i'm bringing everyone down with me

i feel so out of touch, and out of practice 

like bouncing back is getting harder and harder with every day
but, i know this can't go on forever 
nothing can, and i'm learning to live differently 

maybe things will be better this way, but i still wish that i could take it all back

maybe living safely and taking fewer risks is better.  that's what i've taken out of all of this.  unfortunately.  this post feels disjointed.  just like i do.  my heart.  my mind. and it's not just me.  although it should be.

i'm sorry.

going to cleveland for orientation tomorrow with my mom.  i won't be taking my computer this time so i'll talk to you all again next wednesday.  try.


setyourselfonfire said...

have fun in cleveland!

ps. what is normal anyway?

Johanna said...

good Hollidays ^^

frances said...

anna i love you so much and i miss you so much and i really want to see you when you get back, and i'm sorry all this is happening.

Belen Vazquez Amaro said...

great photos!

Ancarol said...

Waiting you come back ; )

leah said...

baby baby baby
i love you more than you can imagine
i'm so sorry and i'm here for you all the time, you know that
i hope i can sometimes bring joy to you, it would make me happy

"this too shall pass"
--william shakespeare
( really will)

STEFANIE said...

I loved reading this, beautiful words!

hannah said...

hi dear

you don't sound too happy
and i wish you were
i'm sorry you're having a down time in your life right now and i wish i could help.

if i can, let me know.
and if i can't, i only hope things start looking up as soon as possible.


bais d'Erelle said...

Really nice pictures.
thanks for your comment on my blog

Clara said...

great pics!


Ania said...

hope things will get better for you soon! (trust me, they always do, that's just how it all works. give it time)

beautiful photos

Alice in Wardrobe Wonderland said...

These photographs are incredible, and the first one is rather haunting - wonderful x

jules said...

I love you. You are such an amazing person, and non of this is truly your fault.

hannah said...

oh dear. oh dearie dear dear dear.

firstly: nothing's forever, as terrible as anything might seem.

somehow whatever this is will too pass, though I'm sure that doesn't sound helpful or happy @ all right about now when you're in the thick of it all.

secondly: i love your docs...i want to get a pair of the vintage air walks with flowers, just like i had when i was growing up.

-that's a stupid saying, actually.. "growing up." it shouldn't have been introduced into our vocabulary. we are always growing, constantly. we will never be "grown up." just a little instant thought reflection on this comment. sorry about the bit of rambling.

much love much much

Grace said...

Im sorry. I feel silly for assuming but I can only imagine what your going through. Whatever it is, it will get better and Im sorry to hear your going through a tough time. Everything works out in the end, time is great because it really does heal all.

This is a beautiful post and I hope you had a good trip! :)

A "cheery" disposition said...

lovely post.

Lise said...

you are so cute.

Robin said...

I hope all goes well in Cleveland.
I hope everything gets better for you soon.

Threadbear Thoughts