i am going out to see

phew.  finished the first week of classes.

things have certainly picked up.

i've met the kind of people i hoped to meet.

and some people i didnt
i've gotten some assignments that i wanted
and some that suck
i feel like i just only holding on to my sanity sometimes
and then i feel like i have everything under control 
and the truth is that i really do
i just need to make sure it stays that way
to make that happen i've been in the workroom all day painting stupid color swatches 

the point is that

college is in full swing

sometimes i feel like this

sometimes i feel like this (and do this)

but just in time for my settling in

i'm going home to visit for the weekend next friday

i'm looking forward to everything.

(ps i have some awards and contests that i've won... and i'm super excited about them, but i'm saving them for a later date.)

i think it still counts

at college

i like it

and then i don't
and then i do.
honestly i don't really know how i feel 

about anything right now in my life.
although there is one thing i do know:
yvan is H.O.T.

everything else though.... i'll leave to some other blogging pros.

good things come to those who wait

this could be my last post before i leave for college on wednesday... although i hope not.  things are strange.  good and not good.  and mostly sad because there are so many hard goodbyes.  and so many things to pack.  things that can't be packed.
but these last few days have been full

i've been doing all my favorite durham things
and seeing all my favorite durham people
and i'm not quite done yet.

this award from the lovely twinkle magpies from a contest that i won and i'll explain all the goodness about it that i am so excited about in my next post.  i'm just too busy right now to do it justice!

and now, because i've just seen coldplay and they're on my mind.  some of chris martin's lovely words.  some apply to my life.  some don't.  but i'm not telling which.

when you try your best but you don't succeed

when you get what you want but not what you need

when you feel so tired but you can't sleep

stuck in reverse

when tears come streaming down your face

when you lose something you can't replace

when you love someone but it goes to waste

could it be worse?

lights will guide you home 

and ignite your bones

and i will try to fix you

and the hardest part

was letting go, not taking part

you really broke my heart

everything i know is wrong

everything i do, it just comes undone

and everything is torn apart

tell me you love me

come back and haunt me

oh i rush to the start

running in circles, chasing our tails

coming back as we are

nobody said it was easy

oh it's sucha shame for us to part

nobody said it was easy

no one ever said it would be so hard

i'm going back to the start

and he never had a voice

a pretty post of pretty things.

to get me through tomorrow.

during which i have to do two things

that i have to do

and kind of want to do

but that will be uncomfortable

and probably will not go the way i want.

but what ever actually does go according to plan?

not my life.  that's for sure.